3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
