At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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