Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
