No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
