Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize