I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
