Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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