I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
