Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
