Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
