I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
