I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
