I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
