i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
