i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
