I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I cut my penus on the lid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
