You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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