Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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