Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize