Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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