Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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