Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
