What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
