He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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