we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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