Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
