the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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