My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
