They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
