can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is it because I queefed?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize