Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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