What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
