I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
