somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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