my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
