saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
