Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
