So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
