just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
