Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
