No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk is not a location!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
