I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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