we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
