just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
