ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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