His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
