Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
