I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
