I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
