you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
