We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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