I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
