y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
