she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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