You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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