real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
