people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
