Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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