Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
