Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
