Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
