I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
