how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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