I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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