Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
