I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize