a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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