How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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