A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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