I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize