who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have fence marks all over my body
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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