I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
