he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
