i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
