You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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