all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
