You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
