He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
