My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Watching her eat just hurts me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
