Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
